I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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