The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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