you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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