i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
