if i can run in heels then i can drive
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
