I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
