I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
