I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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