I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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