If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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