Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
