Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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