You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
