just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
