if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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