Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
