Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
