I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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