Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
