Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
