The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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