haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
