The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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