yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
