please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
