Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
