afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
