If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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