I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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