i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
