I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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