I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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