still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
