do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
