dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hippo gnu deer
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
