Heybabeimwearingurpanties
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
