Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
