Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
