My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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