so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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