It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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