i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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