and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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