He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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