Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
