She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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