Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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