i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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