Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
