Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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