how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
