He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
