Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
