I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
