why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to make out with him forever
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
