hotel room ftw
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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